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The word divorce tends to conjure up negative responses in most of us initially, but it does not have to be all doom and gloom. Actually there can be a lot of positives outcomes for a couple who, for whatever reason, have grown apart and decide to separate when one or both believe that the relationship is no longer working.
It is possible to have an “agreeable” divorce – it’s all in the handling. For many of us our greatest concern is our children and how they will cope and whether they will lose out. Everyone knows that children tend to blame themselves when their parents’ relationship breaks down feeling that in some way they are responsible.
If you and your “ex” are able to tackle this challenge and work together during your separation as partners whilst maintaining your relationship as parents, albeit possibly with skilled help, there are huge rewards to be gained. For a start you will be far less demoralised by the whole experience because you remain in control of the changing lives of yourselves and your children. You, and not the courts, will make the decisions and this is exactly how it should be. Nobody knows your children like you do after all. You gain strength and confidence from having taken responsibility for taking your own lives forward. The children benefit hugely from seeing their parents still able to communicate agreeably with each other and, as a consequence, they are stable and secure, and last but by no means least, the financial costs of the divorce are reduced to a minimum.
When a divorce or separation is about to take place we all know that whatever money is “in the pot” has to go twice as far – not least because two sets of accommodation will now probably be needed. Inevitably allied to this is a drop in the household’s income. This is where there is so much to be gained by everyone concerned in being able to talk to each other. Yes, this might not be easy but with the aid of specialist family solicitors using a collaborative approach and the possible help of mediation , the cost of obtaining a divorce does not need to be huge. It is when matters cannot be resolved, drag on endlessly and eventually have to be decided by a Court that the costs can rocket sky high.
Judi Lurie, Hudson Law